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In the post yesterday arrived a letter.  It was very official looking and bore the badge of Winchester Shop Mobility..........and it contained a very official looking warning!  For everyone's enjoyment, I am posting the complete contents of it here. 

Dear Mr Rouse

It is with some regret that we have to inform you that we have been contacted by Hampshire Constabulary, regarding your conduct when in charge of one of our Shopmobility vehicles.  It seems that you behaved with blatant disregard for the safety and comfort of other pavement users, and subsequent checks to the vehicle reveal not only that it was driven at excessive speed, but that the emergency brakes were applied on more than one occasion.  It would also appear from the pattern of wear on the rear tyres that the driver attempted a "wheelie".

Having perused the police report, I am sorry to have to repeat some of the damning comments made by innocent bystanders.  Typically, these include:

"He was driving like a chimp on speed."

"You'd have thought he was driving a tank, not a scooter".

"It was being driven by some kind of boy-racer".

"And he was laughing like a hyena".

Regardless of the comparisons drawn in the above statements, we simply cannot tolerate anyone monkeying around on one of our vehicles, be he man or ape.

I am sure you are aware that the Shopmobility service is aimed at a genteel and careful clientele.  In view of your conduct and the first comment above, should you wish to avail yourself of our services in the future, we will require you to undergo screening for drugs and alcohol, and any vehicle we see fit to provide will be fitted with a speed limiting system.

Finally I should add that although we have been contacted by the press, we have so far been able to conceal your identity.  Any repeat of your dangerous dogem antics will mean you anonymity will be prejudiced.



T. Osser

Head of Department.


I have my suspicions as to who may have sent it but can I thank whoever it was for giving us all the biggest laugh in years!  Thank you!



Reader Comments (16)

Brilliant.........I have my suspicions too!!!!! And from what I heard from Tom about the scooter, whoever wrote the letter wasn't too far off the mark.
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJules
Sally that is the funniest thing I have read in ages, glad that its bought a smile to your faces.

Just waiting to see Dick on one of those 'caught on camera' type tv progs!!

Love and hugs

Jane (3865) x x
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJane3865
fab ,bought a smile to my face sending love to you all.

Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermichelle
Brilliant Sally-I was taking the letter seriously too!That had me laughing out loud! Bubbleblitt/Bev xxx
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBubbleblitt
That has really tickled me - fabuolous. Glad it made you all laugh. Whoever wrote it has a great sense of humour.

Love Jules xx
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJules Michelle
Laugh - I was crying. Many thanks to T.Osser for such a cracking read.
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLindy
Whoops! Hope it doesn't spur Dick on to attempt even more daring feats in the future! Someone with a very good sense of humour put that one together!
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCherry
Fantastic....................I love it!!!!!!That has really made me chuckle!! Love to you all.

Sarah xx
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah (Butterbee)
Brilliant! Gave me such a laugh.
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJudi
Look forward to hearing the next episode of Dick's "journey" Hope he does not get a speeding ticket !!! Thank you for the Laugh

Take Care
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJacqueline Smith
Priceless Sally, that gave me such a chuckle. Hope Dick doesnt intend going out trying to do more 'wheelies'!!
Thursday, April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngela
This made me laugh so much, have tears in my eyes. Somebody has a great sense of Humour. On a serious note I understand how much freedom scooters/ powerchairs give people, I use them myself. I am so glad he is able to get out a bit more, Know things are tough, But Love & {{hugs}} to you both xx
Friday, April 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTraceyC
Brilliant, I had a good laugh and just could picture Dick terrorising the public!
Friday, April 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKerrin
Go for it Dick!!!
Saturday, April 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichael Whittaker
Brilliant, hilarious!!!!!!!! Made me laugh so much. Paints a very vivid picture of Dick's adventures!
Saturday, April 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSue E
That was fantastic, what a laugh!!!!
Sunday, April 27, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermariag

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