Striking out

Part of coming to terms with being a widow is learning how to deal with situations which we normally take in our stride in a new way.  How often do we meet friends, go out for supper, make decisions, have friends over and so on, on a regular basis?  We don't think much of it but we just get on with it all.  Yet once you are widowed you approach everything in a different way.  This isn't a "feeling sorry for yourself" post.  It is a post of observations.

During the week I went out to dinner and the theatre with friends.  It was a new experience for me as the theatre is the most gorgeous little place - probably seating no more than 150 people - and I was meeting new people for the first time.  It went well I enjoyed the meal and the play and the conversation went well.  I think what really hit me though was that there is just the awareness that there is no-one else to consider when deciding to go home, no-one to chat over the evening's events and of course no-one to share the driving. (I can see that I shall be considerably more abstemious in the future than I have been up to now!) It isn't easy to know how you fit into a group of couples.  I've never been one who thinks that you have to have a partner with you all the time to validate who you are but it is definitely true that our society kind of expects people to come in twos!

I braved the challenge of having a supper party yesterday.  It went well I think and it was lovely to have time to chat with our neighbours.  I was lucky to have someone who took over the job of keeping people's drinks filled and it required some very specific organisation in order to keep the kitchen tidy, food moving through at the required rate and washing up done.  The thought of ending up with a kitchen which looked like WW3 had taken place there was something I dreaded.  But it went well.  No-one was ill (as yet!) and it all went well, including the clearing up.  So, yes, I shall do it again.

Finally the plans for my kitchen renovations are nearly complete and work starts after we return from our holiday.  In about 3 weeks time the wall will be taken down between the kitchen and dining room and we shall be living in bricks and dust for the next 5-6 weeks.  Doing this on my own has been a challenge but I love a project and this is truly a big one. I know it will be worth it in the end but it is different not having to discuss decisions, compromise on choices and generally "share" the whole process with someone.  Sometimes it is more difficult, sometimes it is infinitely easier.

So all in all, I think I am doing fine on working my way through the path of widowhood.  I am often very overwhelmed by grief but I am moving forward.  I am learning to be the new person I am.  I miss the old me and the old us more than any words can say but I am dealing with things and I hope Dick would be proud of me.

Comments

[Bubbleblitt]

Sally, I am convinced that Dick would be extremely proud of you-I know that I and dozens of others are! Well done for getting out and about and making new friends and meeting old friends.It must be tough but you are doing it and it must be difficult.
You are having to go through a huge period of adjustment mixed with the tremendous loss too. Keep going and keep smiling and keep blogging!xxx
Love and hugs, Beverley/Bubbleblitt

[Sarah, Keith, Isaac and Sam]

Dear Sally, I can remember my mum saying exactly the same thing when my dear Dad died. You have been through so much and the adjustments you are now having to make and the emotions you are going through are huge. Dick would be hugely proud of you, and we are too! We are here for you whenever you need us -just shout! xx

[Beverly (Neighbour)]

Sally, the 'neighbours' fully appreciated the efforts you went to last night and how brave you were to consider hosting a supper party. We all had a lovely evening and yes it was good to chat and enjoy good food together. The 'wine waiter' did a stirling job and can be hired out on occasions. Thank you for inviting us.

Beverly & Philip xx

[Jules]

Sally, I know Dick would be very proud of you because he always was proud of anything you did or faced, and we are too......you are an inspiration to us and yes there are changes you have to go through, but you have been facing changes and adjustments for the last 2 years.......you did have Dick to talk things over with but you know you are never alone, and as you say, sometimes its easier and sometimes its harder......but I have never met anyone who can face stuff head on and eyes open like you do.......you're a star!!!!
Well done on the dinner party, as if it would be anything other than great - LOL!!!!
See you soon, much love xxx

[JenR]

Oh darling, of COURSE he'd be proud of you!!! Take care :)

[GlitteryKatie]

What very good observations! After my Mum died I found it odd to say that things wee 'mine' rather than 'ours' ! Silly things I had to get used to.
So great to hear that you are embarking on this new part of your life with such zest!
Of course DH Would be proud of you!!