Money, money, money

I'm a lucky lady as things go.  My husband left me with a pension - quite a good one really and because of the illness he had, I am entitled to certain benefits for some long period of time.  Several months to be exact.  However the inability of the MOD Pensions people to couch things in plain English and to give correct information is a wonder.  I actually didn't know that it was possible to write about things in such a completely vague and uninformative manner.

It seems to me that the simple question that needs an answer is this:  How much money will I get each month?

Oh my Lordy that is far too difficult a question to answer.  I can be told how much I will get per annum.  (Great when it is paid for a period of 91 days)  I am given calculations:  "A minus D+F" but without brackets, as any mathematician will tell you, the answer could be any one of several!

But the icing on the cake is that when you ring the number on the letter to discuss the matter and try to work out what you will be getting to pay those ever-increasing bills, you are told that you cannot talk to anyone in pensions directly.  Oh no!  They take your number and tell you that you will be rung in the next 10 days.  10 DAYS!  No matter that you may be walking the dog, doing your shopping or visiting the doctor at the time they ring!  10 days is what the man said and so wait I must for 10 more days to sort the problem out.

(Mind you, I thought it was sorted last week!  Oh blissful day when that thought was in my mind!  But deeper investigation revealed that their dates were wrong and I was having to point them in the right direction!  So now I await a further telephone call to sort out the problem.)

Tom and I have spent ages doing calculations.  We are not daft.  (I taught Maths for many years and Tom has a good grasp of the subject - well good enough to get a B at GCSE!) but we are struggling.  Pity the poor widow of 19 years old who is alone and has a crying baby for company.  The wives of servicemen deserve better.

So what is life like?

Daily life is different.  Of course it is.  You could say that it goes without saying.  My days were filled with caring for Dick and trying to make the most of his time with us.  It was an odd way of life.  Trying constantly to re-adjust horizons and not look back but rather looking forward.  Never comparing how life at the time was with how it had been previously - just in case we actually noticed that, in truth, we were getting a bit of a raw deal.  But it worked for us.

So now what is life like?  Sometimes there is a sense of freedom.  Not from Dick of course but from the need to be constantly worrying about medications, hospital appointments and other such stuff. A lot of the time there is just the routine of keeping life moving on but sometimes, just once or twice in a day, there is a feeling of overwhelming sadness.  Sometimes accompanied by a good wail, sometimes not. Grief is a strange thing.  We are all affected differently and having nursed someone through a terminal illness does prepare you in some way.  You can at least think about what life will be like when you are on your own. But the dealing with life on your own is taxing

I am finding the presence of his things very demanding.  I know some people take a long time before they are able to deal with the possessions of someone who has died.  I want to do it fairly soon.  While we have a few things which are very personal and very special - watches, cufflinks, photographs, etc etc, much of the stuff is not important to us.  That doesn't mean that we don't recognise that it was important to Dick but rather I am reminded of the question, "Just how many things do you need to have, to remember someone?"  The answer in my case is actually, none at all.  His memory is vivid and clear and precious and although these things will be nice to have as momentoes, for me they are just momentoes.  The important things about Dick will be with me forever.

I am uploading some photos of the garden.  You may remember I posted some a while ago and I thought an update would be a positive thing to do.  Dick loved the garden especially once it had the beds re-designed.  He would have loved it now.  This rose was given to me last year by some friends and it is looking fab.

And just look at these peonies.  Blousy, show-offs that they are.  Dick adored them.

Challenging Times

We have had a few challenges to face in the last few weeks.  You may have noticed that I have been absent from blogging duties and this was caused, mainly by the problems which arose from my computer.  Prior to leaving for Center Parks, we had a problem with water coming through both of the bathroom ceilings and it turned out that the heavy rain was producing problems with our Vent Axia.  I shan't go into details but enough to say that we managed to sort out the problem with the help of buckets and so on.

However.............the electrics on the top floor blew and along with it blew the motherboard on my computer!  Yes it was surge-protected.  No, it didn't protect it.  Has it caused problems?  You bet!

I have had to replace the computer and have all the data extracted from the old computer.  Thank goodness it was able to be extracted - photographs, letters etc etc.  I am "in discussion" with the Insurance Company and hope that I shall be able to get some money back.  Otherwise, I am feeling very very sick about the whole thing.

However, on a positive note:

• I have set up my PC on my own
• I have managed to get all the data back in the right places
• I am still here and communicating.

Quite a triumph in a bit of a roundabout way!